Now, usually I'm an online shopper. Mostly because it A) means I don't have to deal with seas of humanity, and B) I can find the most randomly fantastical gifts. That being said, there was an unfortunate amount of things on my lists that were 'easier' to get if I scraped off my windshield and headed to the mall. We've all been there. And the one thing I have come to notice, is that every year I see the same people out shopping. You've seen them too. Just in case you haven't realized how to identify them yet, here's a helpful guide to speeding up your gift getting!
1- The Speed Demon
These are the people who have somehow managed to come up with the lovechild of speed walking AND swinging extremely large bags (filled with what I can only assume are bricks), creating the monster that will send unsuspecting shoppers flying from the aisle.
2- The List Maker
Ah, the most effective of perhaps all the shoppers. They rely on handheld scraps of paper or, should they be more technologically savvy, some form of Smartphone. These are the people who are in and out of each store in the amount of time it takes someone to order an overpriced coffee. They are ruthless and cunning.
3- The Shameless Shovers
Oh. Theeeeese. The most numerous of all the groups, the Shameless Shovers are the ones that don't care if you are helping an elderly woman across a whizzing aisle of Target or carrying a teeny tiny baby in a car seat. You are in their way and they are coming for you. God forbid you happen to be standing in front of an item they want!
4- The Suddenly Overwhelmed Walker
This lovely group is made up of the people who seem to be going along at a nice speed and you feel good about selecting them to be your path maker, when all of a sudden- BAM! They stop mid step to stare at something in the distance. It could be something shiny (understandable) or it could be nothing more than the sudden realization of where they are and what they are attempting to do. Either way, they're going to stand there for a good five minutes before moving even crosses their minds. Your best bet is to go around them as soon as the crowds die enough for you to escape.
5- The Brave Few Men
These are the ones that get most of my respect to be quite frank (haha see what I did there?). Men like this willingly brave the treacherous and somewhat confusing waters of women's stores like La Senza or La Vie En Rose. Any other time of the year most wouldn't be caught dead there but now that it's Christmas... well...You can see them perusing the walls in search of the nicest and most easily purchased articles. You, my good sirs, have my utmost respect. Bravo.
6- The Deal Needer
You choose a checkout. Things appear to be going well. The line is moving at a good pace and you have hope that you may be home in time for supper when the unthinkable happens! The Deal Needer, stealthy and sneaky, has made their way into your line. These are the ones that pull out all the stops to get the biggest discount. When I say this, I mean they are genuinely fighting over a thirty cents off coupon which has been expired for three months. I get it! We all want to save money, get the best bang for our buck, I am with you! But when you start yelling at the poor girl or guy working the cash register about how unfair it is that they won't accept your outdated coupon or better yet, your WORD that the sign below the item in question was ten dollars less, you have crossed a line. You are now a Deal Needer and I shall be avoiding you.
Well, I hope this helps with your future endeavors! I'm sure there are several groups I have missed, and feel free to comment below with any that I have failed to identify.